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If your intentions are to find a Polish girlfriend and nothing more, than you will be condemned to live in a self-made purgatory.

But if you intentions are pure you will find your princess.

Polish women made me want to be a provider—a strong man who could maintain a home and take care of her financially. Polish women prove that it’s possible for a woman to be both intelligent and feminine, and that the two terms aren’t mutually exclusive like I thought when living in Washington DC. I was warned before my arrival that I’d have to tone down my humor because Polish girls wouldn’t get it, but if anything it was the opposite.

If a Polish girl gently rebuffs your date suggestion by saying she’s busy with school, she’s probably being truthful instead of blowing you off. I could dial it up from what it was in Iceland and Denmark.

This is the definitive list of ‘things to remember’ …at least until I think of the next definitive list.

1 Her name Bear with me, I’m not being (completely) flippant. If you can’t remember your Polish girlfriend’s first name ask her what her second name is. Unfortunately it’s usually just one of the above, but you might get lucky and come across a Jadwiga (if you’ll pardon the expression). Women’s Day This is one of approximately 74 occasions during the year when you are required to give a Polish girlfriend flowers.

About 90 percent of all women in Poland are named Magda, Ola, Anna, Dorota, or Kasia. Flower-selling is an immensely profitable and stable business in Poland. I’m not even mentioning Valentine’s Day; that’s so obvious that you entirely deserve to lose a testicle if you forget it in Poland. She is a a princess Polish girls are brought up in the tradition of old-fashioned chivalry and deference to the ‘weaker sex.’ That means YOU carry the bags, open the door, mend things, make tea in the morning, escort her to the bus stop etc. Walking is impossible Part of the chivalry thing mentioned above is the expectation that whenever you are walking somewhere together she should have her arm looped through yours.

There are flower sellers everywhere and, until recently, they were about the only businesses that stayed open on a Sunday. When a little exasperated by this I often point out to my girlfriend that she’s being a ‘bit of a princess’ to which she usually smiles and flutters her eyelids in complete ignorance of the negative connotations of the phrase in British and American English. Down narrow and crowded streets this makes progress painfully slow.

I loved it whenever a Polish girl would insist on cleaning my house, offering to cook for me, or making genuine offers to take care of me when I was sick. The result of that nurturing trait is that it becomes obvious she’d make a great mother. Not counting a tiny minority of hipsters, Polish girls want to look their best at all times to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Education is important to Polish women, but they don’t let it ruin their feminine allure.

I dated a couple Polish girls that made me think, “If I were to have a kid, I’d want to have it with her.” That thought has never occurred to me when dating in the United States. If it wasn’t for the American girls I ran into in Poland, Polish girls would have made me forget what it’s like to deal with masculine women. I met Polish lawyers who were in the 99th percentile of femininity. They have a surprisingly sharp sense of humor, with a grasp of sarcasm that is comparable to American girls.

You can not judge a person by these behaviors alone, but they do tell a story.

I see Brit, Greeks, Italians, Americans visiting Poland go for the lowest common denominator of ladies here.

I was surprised that my American-style humor transferred so well until I discovered that they love American movies and television. They don’t know how to lead you on, trick you, or use you.