However, the problem with people who fast-forward is that they can’t cope with steadiness.
If you love and trust blindly and get sucked into being moved along at high speed, you will be blind in the relationship when you actually have a responsibility to yourself to have your eyes open. Slowing down and actually getting to know each other at a healthier pace creates a connection.
I’ll be honest with you – while there are anomalies where people have had a whirlwind romance that progressed, in the overwhelming majority of cases, when someone wants to be intense immediately or very quickly and fast-forwards you through the relationship, it is a red flag.
While it is very flattering when someone says they love you immediately or makes you the centre of their universe immediately, the fact of the matter is that they don’t know you enough to be sincere about it. I’m not saying that you’re not a wonderful person, but aren’t we giving ourselves and them too much credit by believing that our libido, powers of judgement and observation and awareness of our own values are so powerful that we can tell immediately based on looks, sexual chemistry, penis size, words etc that we (or they) love someone? Well, we don’t like to appear to be spoil sports, many of us are not aware of the perils of red flags, and we second guess ourselves.
In a startling number of stories, most of these people had some, if not a lot of reservations about the very person that was fast-forwarding them.
And let’s be real, it is flattering when someone seems to fancy the arse off us so much that they can’t seem to want to stop ripping off our clothes or saying we’re the best thing since sliced bread.
If these people are still around in a year or two and your high intensity dalliance yields into something more steady, then good for you.Being confident in yourself is also about believing that there isn’t a fire – you can take enough time to get to know each other without rushing to get your pants down and make big declarations. People who tend to fast-forward can go through their cycle in a few hours (ever met an intense person online who sent you several emails, pestered you and then disappeared?), a day, a night, a few dates, weeks, months, and in some cases, some can play the long game and draw it out for a year.Positive things increase your trust, dodgy stuff should have you rolling back and assessing the risk.Dating is a fact finding period where you should be discovering ‘facts’ that let you work out whether you can proceed, or whether you should be cautious, and/or abort the mission.It’s called Fast-Forwarding and it’s a technique where someone sweeps you up in a tide of intensity when they’re pursuing you and you’re dating them that you end up missing crucial red flags.